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HELP!


My name is Emily and I am the mother to two beautiful girls.  My two year old has Dandy Walker Variant, but I'm here to post about my four year old.

My children are not biologically mine.  I started dating their father over a year ago.  Their biological mother is, for lack of a better term, a crack whore.  She prostitutes now, strips or whatever she can to get a fix.  It's only when she runs out of options (which is about once every six months) that she is the least bit interested in these girls.  Social Services won't let her see them because she tried to starve the two year old (she was two and fourteen pounds) and Emma is disabled because her mother couldn't stop using.
 
But I'm here about my four year old.  Her biological (I don't even want to call her) mother moved back to NC after spending six months doing porn in California.  Lately, Hope (the four year old) has gotten really hard to handle.  She's never been able to listen, to me or her daddy, and she's REALLY destructive.  She's a sweet, loveable girl...she always wants to cuddle.  But lately, she's gotten on this, "I don't want my mommy (me) to leave me."  There are times that I know she's using it to get out of trouble and then there are times that she genuinely thinks that I'm leaving and she's just...inconsolable.  I am having such a hard time with this.  There's nothing that I can do to convince her that I'm never leaving and I feel like so cold-hearted when she uses it to get out of trouble.
 
What do I do?

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
tigerbright
Oct. 18th, 2009 02:14 pm (UTC)
I've dropped a private message to a friend in a very similar situation; hopefully you two can help each other.

In the meantime, is this anywhere near you?
http://fsnnc.med.unc.edu/ My local family network has been incredibly helpful, with free parenting classes and all sorts of things. I just signed up for a babysitting co-op through them.
quietdarkness
Oct. 18th, 2009 02:18 pm (UTC)
Kids constantly test the limits, to see what they can get away with. I have two adult children, but when mine were growing up, I swore that my oldest was going to be a lawyer, because she always went back and forth between her dad and I, trying to get a better deal.

My suggestion to you is to set your limits, no matter how clingy the 4 year old is. Children need limits and they have to understand the consequences of their own actions.

beganwithayes
Oct. 18th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)
have you looked into play therapy?
mamaof2monkies
Oct. 27th, 2009 05:24 am (UTC)
emily
emily i know this isn't on what you were asking but i was wondering if you would like to talk My name is rebecca I have a 3 year old son Kayden who also had Dandy walker variant and i would love to get your insite on it..... and for anyone who is reading this and who is thinking even one thought about it I"M NOT A DRUG USER i have never used ever!!!! dandy walker variant isn't from drug use it's a genic malformation pasted from one of the parents. in my case it was pasted by my ex husband AKA sperm donar to my son but anyways i would love to talk to you you are the first person i really came by that has a little one with dandy walker thank you for taking time to read this
shesnotfromhere
Oct. 27th, 2009 11:44 am (UTC)
Re: emily
I friended you. But unfortunately, in my daughter's case...drug use was the cause and no one will convince me otherwise. Her biomom did coke the whole time she was pregnant, but Emma's medical diagnosis remains the same.

I know how it feels to need to talk to someone in the same situation. Feel free to message me/comment at any time...
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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